Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
