these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
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This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
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And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
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