my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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