I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
