he shaved USA in his pubs
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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