the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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