so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
then he tried to convert me to islam
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
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