Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
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