There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Randomize
