I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
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