When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Come see our sink grown plant.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
