I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Randomize
