Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Randomize
