woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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