at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
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Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
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