its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
