Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
