I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Randomize
