i permit you to call me
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
