you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
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