4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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