Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
