please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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