Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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