She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Randomize
