I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
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