Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
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That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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