who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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