I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Dear god my vagina.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
