Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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