dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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