We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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