Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
