I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
