Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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