imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
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She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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