I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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