garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
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