Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
