You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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