My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
