So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
