We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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