and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
i think i just naturally attract stoners
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
