i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
