We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
