you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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