Ambien. No doubt about it.
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
