my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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