Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
