he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
