Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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