she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
