Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
i think im in europe. pls send help
I'm like, not good at living.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
