So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Randomize
