they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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