I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
