And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
