yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
