I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
