Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
