I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
