why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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