I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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