I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
