Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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