Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
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